Sunday, May 27, 2012

From the Archives-Open Letter to Cowabunga Bay

From the Archives-Open letter to Cowabunga Bay- This was originally posted in August, 2010.

So, let me start this by saying this. Hannah has been looking forward to going to Cowabunga Bay for months now. Everytime we drive by she says “WATERSLIDE! IT’S NOT OPEN YET” thats what we have been telling her. It’s not open yet. I figured if we were going to make it to the waterpark this year it had to be soon. They start closing during the week starting September 1. This was our week to do it. 
After a brief discussion, we (Lindy) decided that it should be a Daddy/Daughter outing. I was cool with that because ya know, I’m cool as a cucumber. I can handle it. And besides, Lindy didn’t have any interest in riding any slides so we would be paying for her to just chill at the crisp refreshing pool. More about that later. 
Hannah and I arrived just after opening. 10 a.m. Hannah was PUMPED! We got our wristbands on, entered the park, and found our chairs. 2 nice chairs by the crisp refreshing pool. It had a nice large canopy overhead and I chose the chairs that would optimize our time in the shade. 2 chairs that just barely entered the shade thus giving us hours of shade by the crisp refreshing pool. 
I lathered Hannah up with sunblock, got her life vest on and wait for it.......peeled my shirt off to expose my sexy bike ridin physique. Of course it was accompanied by a sweet cyclist tan. Awesome! Calm down ladies, I’m taken. 
We decided a stroll through the lazy river was a good way to get loose for the slides. We entered the lazy river and went around the loop a few times. Then it was time for some slides. We made our way over to the slides and started out with the small ones. I have to admit, even the small slides were fun for me. It’s been years since I went on a water slide. We rode the 2 small slides in the Kiddie area first. Then we quickly moved on. We rode all the slides that Hannah could ride with me several times. Dad needed a break so we made our way back to the aforementioned crisp refreshing pool. Dad pulled up a chair and let Hannah play in the pool. It was a small pool that opened up to the lazy river on the other side. It was mostly a few feet deep so Hannah could roam around and play. I know what your saying. This is getting boring to read. Get your hands off that mouse. You do want to keep reading. This is where it gets a little dicy. 
Get this picture in your head. Nice warm August Friday. Sun blazing, kids playing, adults lounging. I was comfortable on my chair, hand behind my head feet kicked up, all I needed was a beverage. Hannah, happy as can be playing in the water, trying to make some friends with some “older” women that were lounging around the pool. They seemed disinterested. Thats cool. You’ll get whats comin. Next thing I know, I look up and Hannah has that look. All you parents know the “look”. The look of panic. The look of I got a turtle head pokin out and there aint a track fast enough to get ya to the bathroom. My first thought was OH #$%*! Well, that pretty much says it all. Hannah, crying with one hand reached around grabbing her butt. The other well, I don’t really remember what the other hand was doing. So, I make my way out into the water to get her and take her to the potty. This is where I see it. Yep, you guessed it. DOODY! OHHHHHHHH MY! So, I do what every dad would do. I put on my superhero cape and became SUPER POOPER! I jumped into action to try and save the day. I noticed a little “doody” oozing from her swim trunk bottoms, I scooped it into my hand hoping nobody would notice that it was MY kid that doodied in the pool! Got her out of the pool and seriously wondered what the hell do I do now? I glanced to the left, glanced to the right, looked straight ahead. Nobody had noticed yet. Do I tell someone or just beeline it to the family bathroom? Yea, thats what I did, I beelined it to the bathroom. Hey, I had a cryin kid with a swimsuit full of peanut butter and I of course had a handful of it. I made my way to the bathroom, shut the door, click and locked it up. Oh boy! So here I am, handful of doody, a crying 2 year old with pants full, I’m barefoot in a bathroom (nasty). Then I remembered that I was wearing my cape. I got some paper towels, got the poop out of my hand, put it in the garbage. HA! Just kidding, I put it in the toilet. I got Hannahs pants off and sat her on the potty. She was upset, I was upset, we all were upset. Especially whoever noticed the Doody in the pool. I am positive they didn’t laugh. Althought it would be funny as long as YOU weren’t in the pool. 
So, I scrape the turd that has turned to peanut butter due to the excess of water. (sorry, I got to be extra descriptive here so you get the picture) I get her swim trunks somewhat clean. I then washed them with soap a few times, then wash my hands, get Hannah cleaned up, wipe her butt, wash her hands a few times, got her swim trunks on. I then had to clean up a little poop that was on the floor. I did a good job, don’t worry. I then stood there. Wondering. What is waiting on the other side of this door. Remember, we left the pool and it was a fun playful environment. Kids playing, adults lounging. Our chairs were RIGHT next to the pool. I approached it like taking off a bandaid. I opened up the door. Again, I glanced left, right, then straight to see if anyone started pointing fingers at us as we emerged from the bathroom. So far so good. The pool was completely cleared out. As well as the lazy river. You know, they were connected. All I saw was 3-4 lifegaurds, a few “official” Cowabung people. You know they gotta test the water. One dude had rubber gloves on and a red bag that he was holding gingerly. Yep, there’s Hannah’s turd. Do I go say sorry? Nah, I took the opportunity to just slip out to the OTHER side of the water park. We started climbing stairs so Hannah could play and I could keep my eye out for any finger pointers. You know, I felt bad but I’m sure its not the first time that it has happened this summer. 

Ok, enough fun looking at pictures. I guess thats pretty much it for my adventures that day. We hung out for another hour. The pool and lazy river opened up after about 45 minutes or so. I actually chuckled watching from afar. The life gaurds pacing back and forth to keep people out. Kids standing at the edge of the pool all pissed that they can’t swim. Comical I tell ya. I couldn’t make this stuff up. I guess wehn I say Nate’s Adventure’s it doesn’t always involve a bike, skis or something else I have gotten myself into. Sometimes its an adventure with Hannah. Most of the time those are great adventures. This one was a little scarred. We still had a blast and I think I made the best of a shitty situation. 
Cowabunga Bay 
I am truly sorry that my kid decided to dookie in your pool. She has just recently been potty trained and well, I guess she isn’t quite 100% yet. I guess I decided to stay because your entry fees are a little steep so I felt I had to stay to get my money’s worth. I guess its a good thing you don’t have a no poop guarantee. I will however come again. Not this year however. We will return next year when Hannah is fully potty trained. I can only hope that I don’t poop in your pool. If I do however, I apologize in advance. It was simply just a shock at how expensive water parks have become. 
Yours Truly, 


1 comment:

Brandon Banks said...

Pure awesomeness!