Friday, February 26, 2010


Ok, ok. Some of you know me well. Pretty well. You all know I have A.D.D. So, I started this post yesterday about people that I see because of a person I just saw and I totally forgot to add them to the story.

Let me start it off with this. I need to set the scene.

Car pulls up. Its a pretty nice car. Gold Maxima. Gooooooooooooold! Anyways, this guy gets out. Lets call him Frank. Now Frank was a little light on his toes if ya know what I mean. No, thats not what Im bloggin about. He had jeans on, a gray and white striped shirt WITH a matching hat, pulled sideways. VERY fasionable. He walked in and wanted some information. From the get go I thought something was up. He seemed "shifty". I couldn't put my finger on it but it was in the back of my mind. We went out on site and walked through a couple of houses. He was young, under 25, said he was in Real Estate and said he could spend up to 300k. Another alarm went off. I dont know many sub 25 year olds doing THAT well in Realt Estate right now. I could be wrong, but I rarely am. Upon returning to the model, he asked to use  my bathroom. "sigh" sure, its on the top floor. I love it when overweight people ask that AFTER they just walked through the model. "Oh, I gotta walk all the way back upstairs?" Well, you aint doin your business in my office. Feel free to go use the Arby's bathroom. I told him I would put a packet together for him and sent him on his merry way. Or is is Mary? Frank returned a few minutes later. Yea, he wasn't gone that long so I didn't think anything about it. You all know where this is going. I gave him his info, got him registered and we parted ways. Immediately I thought, man that dude was off. I had to pee so I went upstairs to take a leak. Got to the top of the stairs and I think I passed out for a minute. Sweet Lord! Montezuma's Revenge had made a deposit in MY bathroom. My eyes were watering, I was nearly dry heaving. It was bad. I turned the fan on (who doesn't turn the fan on after they drop a serious bomb) returned to my office, returned with my clorox wipes in hand going over every surface I thought he may have touched. After that I washed my hands, went in the other bathroom and pryed off the seat cover that says this bathroom does not work, peed and returned the seat cover.

Yep, thats right. I got a visit from Frank. Frank seemed like a fitting name for the smell he left me.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

My fair share of crazy visitors

Some of you know that I work for a home builder. I manage a community sales office and such. I deal with different types of people on a daily basis depending on how busy it is etc. Well, along with that I also get my fair share of interesting visitors. My community is near the TRAX and is what we call an Urban community. Some of the visitors that come to mind are

1-the dude who drank out of my water bottle and stole a sleeve of string cheese
2-the dude that has no interest in buying a house, they just need to use the bathroom
3-the dude that acts interested but really only needs to use the bathroom
4-the dude that just wants to bust my balls and since my door says "open" he uses that as an invitation
5-dumpster divers
6-the homeless dude that just wants to "warm up" oh and use my bathroom
7- I had a toothless lady who wrote a contract and was going to wire full funds to buy the house in cash. She transferred utilities, forwarded mail etc. The promise went on for weeks and weeks, every day something prevented her from wiring the money. She was extra special crazy. Holy hell.
8-the dude that walked in with a bird literally on his shoulder
9-a buyer who had his family over to see their house and somehow the glass cover of the fireplace fell off and bashed his sisters head who was laying on the ground in front of the fireplace? WTF?
10-the dude who backed into a landscape rock and it was somehow our fault for putting the rock there
11-the dude that came in for free movie tickets that we were giving away. I think he tucked his pants in 100 times while we talked. He lingered for a long time.
12-Don't even get me started on radio remotes and free giveaways.
13- the weekend sign guy that wears brown pants EVERY time i see him. This dude is creepy and likes to stay and chat.
14- Have had several strippers come in to buy a house. Even have sold a few houses to strippers. Once in awhile they come in with their pimps. Interesting people.
15-the guy that has no job, no money and bad credit. Why are you looking at houses?

There have been several others but, this should give you a pretty good cross section. Do you have any stories like this?